'Demanding rent in a fight made me the villain': Daughter cuts up credit card after mother continually reminds her of rent payments

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jun 9, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

A mom is sure she's teaching her daughter the right way to budget money, but her husband and daughter disagree. You have plenty of duties as a parent, and teaching your kids financial literacy is certainly really important to a parent of a young adult, like this OP, whose account has since been deleted. 

The mom who wrote in to r/AmItheA**hole says that her 24-year-old daughter now needs to pay rent after leaving college. Even though she's only been in a job for a few months, her mom is quite insistent that she needs to pay rent ASAP. The daughter hasn't even gotten paid yet, but that hasn't stopped mom from bugging her constantly about it, and even getting into an argument where the OP admitted to calling her daughter a bad person. Commenters roasted the OP pretty hard — regardless of the lesson she thought she was teaching her daughter about money, it backfired on her. 

Next, check out this guy who watched a movie completely wrong — and ended up falling in love with the film anyway. 

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  • 01
    Font - 'She told me she planned a trip with her friends and was saving for a plane tickets. I reminded her again she still needs to pay rent'
    via Josh Appel on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheA by u/[deleted] A · Posted AITA for telling my daughter she needs to pay rent? I (50f) told my daughter (24f) she needs to pay rent. She got out of college in February and struggled to find job until October. I supported her during the job hunt and she's been living back home rent free. I was excited for her for finally finding the job, especially when it is surprisingly well paying. She told she won't get paid until late this month. I said it was fine but she still needs to pay
    via u/deleted
  • 03
    Font - The other day she told me she planned a trip with her friends and was saving for a plane tickets. I reminded her again she still needs to pay rent, as it felt like she's trying to avoid rent so she could save money for trip. She told me she'd pay the rent, but deducting her credit card bill. Apparently she wanted me to pay her credit card bill first then keep the rest as rent. I told her it was unacceptable. She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away. In the heat of the moment, I said som
    via u/deleted
  • 04
    Font - My daughter has became extremely distant since. She started working overtime almost all week. I tried to talked to her, I even told her she can keep her original plan but she just kept fixating on the things I've said. Either ignoring my message or telling me how I've misunderstood her and made her felt bad.
    via u/deleted
  • 05
    Font - My husband thinks I'm the AH because he thinks our daughter was already stressed and I kept reminding her for rent money she didn't have. Demanding rent in a fight made me the villain. Today she handed me a stack of cash, rent and credit card bill included. I tried to tell her the money will be in a family savings account. She rolled her eyes and said she doesn't care. She then cut up the credit card I was managing the bills for. My husband gave me a I told you so look. I honestly don't t
    via u/deleted
  • 06
    Font - Info: A lot of people asked what I said so I'll answer here. The reason why I said it doesn't matter is because not only she confronted me on the spot, I don't think she'd react that way if the fight hadn't been about money. It was in the heat of the moment. I may have called her a bad or as ty person. But that was IT. I did not cross the line.
    via u/deleted
  • 07
    Font - I'll clarify the Christmas present part. We charged it on installment so she knew how much it cost. She's still entitled to use the credit card as she liked. She paid as much as she could with her part time jobs. Like I mentioned in one of the replies. She never made that much. She barely paid any part of that ipad. It's mostly on her own food and clothes. My husband and I covered the rest. There aren't debt. Nothing can't be paid off with her income.
    via u/deleted
  • 08
    Font - More info If she doesn't want to pay rent. She doesn't have to. We want her to contribute to the family. Based on how much she's making, the amount equal to the broader city average rent is what me and my husband decided on. She can afford it. She isn't struggling.
    via u/deleted
  • 09
    Font - Final Update This will be my last update on the Christmas gift situation. So many people seem to be fixated on it. No, we didn't make her pay for it. We charged it on her card so she knew how installments worked. This was just a rare incident we have a large sum expense. My husband and I paid it off at the end of each month. She made little money tutoring back in college, and she used the credit card for food and clothes. These were the expenses she actually paid for. And what she made we
    via u/deleted
  • 10
    Font - The average rent is for a studio apartment in the broader city, as I've mentioned it's impossible to find a decent rental in this area, there is no comp for it. I'm tired and this will be my final update.
    via u/deleted
  • 11
    Font - rhomboidus 3 & 3 More Certified Proctologist [28] YTA In the heat of the moment, I said some unfortunate things. This s is my favorite AITA behavior. We have no idea what you said here, but since you're trying to hide it, I bet it made you sound like a colossal a So YTA. Now you're mad that your daughter doesn't want to treat you like family when you treat her like a tenant. You wanna act like a sl ty landlord, you're gonna get treated like a sty landlord. 25.9k Share
    via u/rhomboidus
  • 12
    Font - [deleted] INFO: What "unfortunate things" did you say? That seems to be pretty central information you have left out. In response to edit: Calling your kid a "sty person" is crossing the line. YTA
    via u/deleted
  • 13
    Font - Ra toujourspret From the edit and other comments from OP, it looks like she called her daughter a sty person because... she wouldn't give her 100% of her first paycheck after giving 100% of her paychecks from her college jobs. OP has a really weird relationship with her daughter's money.
    via u/toujourspret
  • 14
    Font - Jazzlike_Humor3340 YTA First, for whatever you said to her that you're not telling us. Second, for knowingly demanding rent, from your daughter, starting from before she actually gets paid. She's you're kid! Would it hurt to wait two months, and have a plan for reasonable rent starting then? Getting a new job involves expenses - professional clothes, figuring out transportation, etc.
    via u/Jazzlike_Humor3340
  • 15
    Font - You're not a landlord, you're a parent. If you want her to treat you like a landlord, you'll need to give her the autonomy of a tenant - her room and designated spaces are her own, you can't touch food she buys or prepares, you can't ask about her finances at all beyond expecting a rent check on time. You're in your rights to act this way, but coming from a supposedly loving parent, it's AH.
    via u/Jazzlike_Humor3340
  • 16
    Font - Your daughter is right to cut up the credit card you have access to, if you're going to act this way towards her. You can't have it both ways, with the control of a parent and the income of a landlord. She needs her own credit card, her own checking and savings accounts, and for you to turn over all her legal papers - birth certificate, SS card, passport, etc. A "family" savings account does her no good if she can't access it freely, and if it lets you be nosy about her finances. 8.4k Sha
    via u/Jazzlike_Humor3340
  • 17
    Font - BatCorrect4320 A Enthusiast [5] YTA for deliberately leaving out so much information to make yourself look good. Did you at least apologize and take responsibility for the checks notes "unfortunate things" that you said and possible lack of notice for charging rent?
    via u/BatCorrect4320
  • 18
    Font - fuzzydogpaws Wow. So much purposely missing information. The fact that you charged your daughter's Christmas presents (check the comments people) to her own credit card shows you to be quite unfair. You are purposely missing out information from your post, which pretty much confirms YTA. You know you are in the wrong
    via u/fuzzydogpaws
  • 19
    Font - LarkspurSong INFO: this can't be judged until we know the following - 1. How much in rent money were you charging? Is the money needed for household expenses, or more to teach your daughter about budgeting and handling money responsibly? How deeply was this discussed before she got this job?
    via u/LarkspurSong
  • 20
    Font - 2. What exactly did you say to your daughter during this fight? This is crucial. You cannot omit what you said and expect a fair judgement. Context for your daughter's behavior matters. EDIT: You're charging your kid the average market rate in your area for a studio apartment and all she gets is a room? Seriously? That sounds fair to you? Studio apartments are at least larger than the average bedroom and usually have a private bathroom. I'm assuming your daughter gets neither of those ben
    via u/LarkspurSong
  • 21
    Font - Well, you're too cowardly to give a straight amount of what you're charging her or what exactly you said to her during your argument and you keep changing your story, so I'm going to have to go with YTA. You aren't teaching her any "fiscal responsibility" you're actively trying to profit off her! That's a pretty s ty thing for a parent to do. Hope she's free of you at the earliest opportunity, since you're clearly unrepentant and believe yourself to be justified.
    via u/LarkspurSong
  • 22
    Font - Organic Martini OP, I'm confused. In your post, you state: ...If she doesn't want to pay rent. She doesn't have to. So, why did you make this such a big deal to begin with and cause this unnecessary tension?
    via u/OrganicMartini
  • 23
    Font - [deleted] YTA. It's reasonable to ask an adult child to pay rent. But you could have given her a little grace time to get on her feet. Sounds like you were basically demanding her entire first paycheck. She had to work a bunch of overtime to pay you.
    via u/deleted
  • 24
    Font - [deleted] She gave you what you wanted, what more do you want from her? Do you want her to bow down and kiss your feet next? As one mother to another, YTA.
    via u/deleted

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